School Prom: Six tips for parents to help their teen before the big night

Prom is one of the most important events in the school calendar for many teenagers. It’s a celebration of finishing school and a chance to say goodbye to their teachers and friends before they head off to sixth form, college, work or university.

However, despite all the glitz and glamour, prom season can be a challenging time for teens and parents alike. Education Mental Health Practitioner Zakia Jabeen provides her tips for looking after your teen’s wellbeing, keeping costs down and making eco-friendly choices.

1. Managing loneliness at prom

Although prom is meant to be a time for celebration, it can also result in a feeling of loneliness for children who haven’t arranged a partner to go with or who might be socially anxious.

“As adults we may think that not having a partner or friend group to go to prom with isn’t a big deal and that you could still go alone. However, if we step into the shoes of a teen, they’re often still trying to navigate the world and find their place in society,” explains Zakia.

“Having social connections is a very important part of growing up. So when you’re faced with a big event like prom and have nobody to go with it can be very difficult to navigate,” says Zakia.

“Have a conversation with your child about this but don’t set expectations. Listen to them and try to understand how they feel. Sometimes listening carefully is all it takes for them to open up and share their emotions. It may be that they still want to go to the prom and you can empower them to enjoy their own company and join the festivities as part of the wider school community. Or it may be that they don’t want to go to prom and that is also OK. Meet them where they are at and support whatever decision makes them feel comfortable.”

2. Don’t feel pressured by social media

Videos of luxury prom parties, designer outfits and teens in limousines often circulate on social media at this time of year and the fear of missing out can be anxiety-inducing for some. Furthermore, these are expensive and exclusive ways to celebrate, and existing peer groups and social divides can be amplified even more. As well as this, the cost-of-living crisis means many of us can’t afford to keep up with the lifestyles portrayed on social media.

“It’s about being honest about what’s in your capabilities as a parent,” says Zakia.

“It may feel difficult to speak frankly with your child about money because as parents we often don’t want to burden them with financial worries. However, given the cost-of-living crisis and current economic climate, it’s important to be transparent with your child and explain what you can afford. Most of us certainly don’t have the budget to hire a limousine, but prom can be a really important event for some teens and they’ll want to make it a special night. Meet them halfway and involve them in planning some low-budget alternative ways to make it a night to remember.” Perhaps your child and their friends could get ready together before the prom or have a gathering afterwards.

This BBC Bitesize article discusses 'promflation' along with social changes and how prom can reflect them.

3. Keep it sustainable

Whilst the price of prom dresses and suits can go up into the hundreds, many fast fashion brands are offering low cost alternatives. However, fast fashion has a significant environmental impact. According to an analysis by Business Insider, fashion production comprises 10% of total global carbon emissions and 85% of all textiles go to dumps each year.

“Whether it’s about prom or anything else, helping your child to become more environmentally conscious is important anyway,” explains Zakia. “Emphasise the importance of sustainability measures for our future and help them make eco-friendly choices by thrifting instead of buying new items or clothing from fast fashion websites.”

“Take your child to second hand shops, charity shops or vintage stores for their prom outfits and see what is available. Thrifting is a fun activity that you can do together that will give them the tools to make more eco-friendly decisions into the future. Alternatively, there may be local community loan schemes for prom outfits.”

See this BBC News article to learn more.

4. Celebrate in a different way

“Not wanting to go to prom doesn’t necessarily mean there is something seriously wrong,” says Zakia. “Of course, if there are more emotional reasons behind the decision as mentioned earlier, it’s important to acknowledge that but your child may simply have a different opinion on proms. Perhaps they dislike crowds or loud music or they just want a more low-key celebration. Just like us adults, teens have likes and dislikes and some are more extroverted or introverted than others,”

“There are a lot of at-home celebrations you can do. You can invite their friends over and have a small party of your own, or go to the cinema, or go for a meal out with family. It doesn't have to be a prom. Talk to your child about what other ways they might want to celebrate finishing their studies,” says Zakia.

5. Look out for signs of body image issues

A survey of 11–16 year-olds in the UK by Be Real found that 79% said how they look is important to them, and over half (52%) often worry about how they look.

“Food is a big thing for teens when it comes to prom”, says Zakia. “Are they eating food as they normally would? Have they been talking more about their body or appearance? Are they generally in a healthy space or have they been feeling down? Are these thoughts impacting their day as a whole? These are subtle indicators that they may be concerned with their body image and could potentially be dieting for prom.”

This Parents' Toolkit article: Eating disorders: the warning signs and what to do about them has advice on spotting issues.

“When approaching a topic like this, it’s important to not make assumptions. Ask open questions and give your child the time and space to come to you when they feel comfortable,” explains Zakia.

“However, if you do notice a significant decline in their mental wellbeing, it’s important to have a direct conversation and consult a mental health professional by contacting your GP or local CAHMS team.”

6. Seek support

If there are any concerns surrounding your child’s mental health or wellbeing this prom season, it’s important to seek support from their school and GP.

This article has more information on who to ask and what to do.

“Schools are very overstretched at the moment so people can feel guilty reaching out, but in my experience, teachers and school staff want to do the best to support your child through their school life,” explains Zakia. “They have a lot of contact with your child and they may be able to provide additional support like workshops, activities or 1-to-1 meetings. Do consult with your child’s form tutor, SENCo, Education Mental Health Practitioner or the Pastoral Lead and have an open dialogue and communication with the school. As well as this, if you do notice a significant decline in their wellbeing it’s important to also alert your GP.”

It’s also important to look after yourself during this time as it can be quite stressful for parents.

Further support:

The BBC Action Line has links to pages of support from charities and experts.

The Be Real campaign has this guide for parents on body image.

Mind have information for parents, carers, family members and guardians on supporting a child.

Samaritans have information for if you're worried about your child and suicidal thoughts.

Young Minds have this parent and carer focused section of advice.