Jump to content

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Aston Martin Vanquish (2012)/archive1

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Aston Martin Vanquish (2012)[edit]

Aston Martin Vanquish (2012) (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

As of 8 July 2024, 19:14 (UTC), this page is active and open for discussion. An FAC coordinator will be responsible for closing the nomination.
Toolbox
Nominator(s): 750h+ 08:03, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

My fourth nomination, following the Aston Martin DB9, Aston Martin Rapide and the Lagonda Taraf; the former two have both been promoted whilst the latter is awaiting its promotion. This article is about the 2012 Aston Martin Vanquish, a gorgeous car based upon the now 20 year old platform of the DB9. I believe this article is well written and well sourced. Enjoy the read! 750h+ 08:03, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review by Arconning[edit]

  • File:2014 Aston Martin Vanquish, skyfall silver.jpg - CC BY-SA 3.0
  • File:2015 Aston Martin Vanquish, rear left (Lisbon).jpg - CC-BY-SA 3.0
  • File:2014 Aston Martin Vanquish Volante 5.9 V12 (52055905516) (cropped).jpg - CC BY 2.0
  • File:2017 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato VH319Z.jpg - CC BY-SA 4.0
  • File:2017 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Rear.jpg - CC BY-SA 4.0
  • File:2019 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Shooting Brake no 73 at Greenwich 2019, front left.jpg - CC BY-SA 3.0
  • File:2019 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Shooting Brake no 73 at Greenwich 2019, rear left.jpg - CC BY-SA 3.0
  • File:2018 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Speedster in Golden Saffron, front right (Greenwich 2019).jpg - CC BY-SA 3.0
  • File:2018 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Speedster in Golden Saffron, rear right (Greenwich 2019).jpg - CC BY-SA 3.0
  • All images have good alt-text and are relevant to the article.
  • The six images under the section of "Vanquish Zagato" seem formatted well.

Support on image review. Arconning (talk) 12:51, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the image review, Arconning. 750h+ 12:58, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
No problem, anytime. Arconning (talk) 13:18, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Airship[edit]

As always, these are suggestions, not demands; feel free to refuse, with adequate justification.

  • Is the promotional quote at the start of the History section necessary?
removed
  • Much of the first paragraph of the history section seems tangential: a succession of "at [date] [car show], Aston Martin unveiled the [car]" isn't very useful. What do they have to do with the 2012 Vanquish?
its background. Ive split that off.
  • "At the 2012 edition" month?
added
  • Is the Concorso's location needed?
removed
  • There seems very little discussion of the original Vanquish
its a completely unrelated car; in the car industry, same nameplate does not equal related car
  • "Aston Martin revealed a concept car called the Project AM310 Concept. In June 2012, the company announced that the production version of this concept" lots of "concept"ing going around; prose should be tighter.
fixed
  • "and succeeding the DBS." succeeding as what?
it replaces the DBS. ive specified that
  • "The Vanquish debuted at several events" I was under the impression that a debut happens once.
changed to “showcased”
  • " of the coupe" the WP:ELEGVAR isn't helpful, especially as the car hasn't been called a coupe yet.
changed to “car”
  • A rather abrupt jump between "manufacture began" and "production ended", six years apart. Also seems like the variants would be better suited as subsections of "History"
I have moved this. It is a short section though. Not much is available on the convertible, so i don’t believe the latter suggestion is necessary
  • "the fourth generation of the vertical/horizontal platform" this platform has been linked before, and I still don't know what it is (MOS:NOFORCELINK)
is this better?
  • "which is thirty per cent stiffer and lighter...was enhanced by 25 per cent" compared to?
fixed
  • There are four occurences of "The Vanquish features...", including two at the start of paragraphs, which makes the section feel slightly too promotional.
removed
  • WP:NOTSTATS says: "Statistics that lack context or explanation can reduce readability and may be confusing". This is the case for too much of the "Design and technology" section. Can you explain the necessity of the following statistics, and how do they compare in context with other cars:
    • The length and piston-number of the callipers
removed that
    • The ... something of the tyres (I have absolutely no clue what "255/35R20" is supposed to mean)
removed that too, really isn’t necessary
    • The individual fuel consumption ratings for city driving, highways, and combined (shouldn't the last be sufficient?)
agreed, removed the other two
    • The engine's power/torque output
every article on a car should have those stats
  • Is there nothing about the visual similiarities/differences with other cars? This source takes that line.
comparisons with other cars generally aren’t helpful. Plus, the source provided just includes its predecessor and its concept
  • "hand-stitched leather and Alcantara" where on the car
explained via footnote
  • The tenses need a look: see e.g. the switch in "Its maximum speed remained unchanged, but its 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) acceleration has been changed to 4.2 seconds.
  • "Weighing 1,844 kilograms (4,065 lb), the Vanquish is 105 kilograms (231 lb) heavier than the coupe and 34 kilograms (75 lb) more massive more than its predecessor, the DBS Volante." Fair few points: the Vanquish is ... heavier than the Vanquish? "more massive more"? what's the difference between heavier and more massive? My understanding was that they were the same on Earth.
mistype; fixed
  • "The convertible top of the Volante ... operates in fourteen seconds" this is annoyingly imprecise: obviously you mean that it takes fourteen seconds to open and close, but instead the article just says it "operates", which could mean anything.
specified
  • "The car's boot space has been significantly increased over the Vanquish coupe, with a capacity of 279 litres (9.9 cu ft)" the article doesn't actually say what the Vanquish coupe's boot space is, only that its cargo space is nearly 100 litres larger than the convertible.
done
  • It would be better to move the sentence talking about dealing with added weight to immediately follow the sentence talking about said extra weight.
(refer to above)
  • Tenses again awry in the "Vanquish S" subsection
fixed
  • "an optional "graphics packs""?
removed
  • Is the Palmer quote needed?
I think its a nice add-on
  • Nothing about what differentiated the Zagato edition, aside from it being a collaboration?
Ive added some characteristics.
    • It is also the first and only section which talks about units produced. Is there nothing in the sources about corresponding figures for the other models?
Nope, unfortunately
  • Why does the "Variants" section talk about when "deliveries began", while the "History" section mentions when "manufacture" began and "production" ended? Are they the same thing?
Manufacture/production means when the first units rolled out of the production line. Deliveries is when the cars got delivered to the customers
done
  • "Reviewers and automotive publishers mostly praised the Vanquish's opulent exterior and interior." gives the impression that the following paragraph is going to be about the opulence, but this is not the case. See WP:RECEPTION for how to better organise a section.
removed.

For the current state of the article, I'm going to note a weak oppose. The lack of preparation for FAC is clearly evident through the varying levels of focus, prose issues, and general absence of polish. The good news is that it's not a bad article by any means, and is fairly short, so not hard to improve. To the nominator: if you want me to have another look, ping me when you're sure all issues (including ones not mentioned) have been fixed, and I'll have another (final) look. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 13:30, 22 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I will need some time to fully address the comments; might be a small wait 750h+ 14:54, 22 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@AirshipJungleman29: I believe I have addressed all your comments. I hope we can strike that oppose! Personally I don't think it's as bad as thought, I just think there's a lot of car jargon which may be confusing to non-car people. 750h+ 15:51, 22 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@AirshipJungleman29: ? 750h+ 06:14, 25 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@AirshipJungleman29: we’ve had another reviewer support; I hope now the article looks better 750h+ 23:37, 30 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
In response to the above and a request on the WP:DISCORD, the article looks improved, but for me the prose, especially in the "Design and technology" section, remains too stilted and stop-start for my liking. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 12:22, 5 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I don’t think I see much wrong; I don’t think differs from my previous works. Any specific examples? 750h+ 12:31, 5 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I did do a light copyedit, if that helps improve the natural tone 750h+ 12:51, 5 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

PCN02WPS[edit]

I'll have a look!

Lead

  • "a presentation to a group of guests at the London Film Museum" → this is the only one of the three events in the sentence that doesn't have a month - recommend mentioning July as you do in the body
done
  • "with deliveries initiating in late 2013" → simplify wording, change "initiating" to "starting" or "beginning"
done
  • "performance, whilst a more significantly" → recommend eliminating "whilst" and breaking this sentence there (especially since "whilst" implies simultaneous events and these two events happened two years apart)
done
  • "comprising" → doesn't really fit with "various body styles" so I'd recommend using a different word there
fixed

History

No notes.

Design and tech

  • "Its structure" → the car's structure or the VH platform's structure?
fixed
  • "from the DBS, DB9 and Rapide" → serial comma is used earlier in the article but not here; either way is fine but this should be consistent
fixed

Variants

  • "Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance Aston Martin" → add comma before "Aston"
done
  • "maximum speed remained unchanged," [past tense] "but its 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) acceleration has been changed to 4.2 seconds" [present perfect continuous]
fixed
  • "which is crafted of triple-layer fabric" → sounds a little advertisement-y, maybe "made of"?
done
  • "The transmission response time was improved. The Vanquish S also features" → another tense shift
fixed
  • "composed of exposed carbon fibre, diamond-turned alloy wheels and carbon bonnet louvres" → another instance of no serial comma
fixed
  • "At the 2016 edition of the Concorso d'Eleganza Villa d'Este in May" → maybe "At the May 2016 edition of the Concorso d'Eleganza Villa d'Este" for simplicity?
done
  • "deliveries were also initiated in 2017" → for simplicity and changing the passive voice, maybe "deliveries also started in 2017"
done
  • "of the series—the" → recommend comma rather than dash
done

Reception

  • "bewitchingly beautiful always"." → since the whole sentence is in quotes, you can move the full stop inside the quote marks
done

That's what I've got, nice work as always. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 20:30, 27 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@PCN02WPS: thanks for the comments, appreciated as always! 750h+ 23:41, 27 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Happy to support on prose. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 12:27, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks PCN! 750h+ 23:35, 30 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spotcheck by Mike Christie[edit]

I know a spotcheck isn't technically needed, but I thought I'd check a few since I found some spotcheck issues in a recent GA by 750h+. Footnote numbers refer to this version.

  • FN 54 cites "In August 2014, Aston Martin introduced technical updates to the Vanquish model. The modifications included a new eight-speed automatic transmission, known as 'Touchtronic III', and an upgraded engine. The upgraded engine produces 424 kilowatts (576 PS) and 630 newton-metres (460 lbf⋅ft) of torque, sufficient to give the car a 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) acceleration time of 3.6 seconds; its maximum speed remained unchanged." Some of these details don't appear to be in the source: the August date, for example, and the power and torque figures. The 3.6 seconds time is for accelerating to 60 mph, not 62 mph. The maximum speed did in fact increase according to the source.
  • FN 65 cites "Its power output was increased to 595 horsepower (444 kW) whilst its torque output was increased to 630 newton-metres (465 lb⋅ft). Aston Martin improved the response time of the transmission. The Vanquish S also features a new body kit composed of exposed carbon fibre, diamond-turned alloy wheels and carbon bonnet louvres. The seats are upholstered in Bridge of Weir Caithness leather." The source says the torque was unchanged. A couple of phrases are repeated: "a new bodykit in exposed carbonfibre" is in the source -- I don't think I know what a bodykit is, but if it just means bodywork then this could be rephrased a little more. Some of the phrases that are repeated would be pretty hard to reword -- e.g. "carbon bonnet louvres". However, if I understand the source correctly, some of the items listed are options, so we shouldn't phrase this as though they were standard -- e.g. the Bridge of Weir Caithness leather.
  • FN 29 cites "Compared to the DBS, the torsional rigidity of the car was enhanced by 25 per cent due to the incorporation of a carbon fibre subframe and a large, extruded cross-member." Verified.
  • FN 62 cites "Its maximum speed remains unchanged, but its 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) acceleration has been changed to 4.2 seconds. Weighing 1,844 kilograms (4,065 lb), the Vanquish Volante is 105 kilograms (231 lb) heavier than the coupe and 34 kilograms (75 lb) heavier than the DBS Volante. The convertible top of the Volante, which is made of triple-layer fabric, can open in fourteen seconds. The car has a boot space capacity of 279 litres (9.9 cu ft). The suspension system was adjusted to accommodate the added weight. As with the coupe, its standard three-stage adaptive damping system offers normal, sport, and track modes, which also adjust the electronic stability control and throttle response." Verified.
  • FN 31 cites "The Vanquish features anti-roll bars and double wishbone suspension supported by coil springs." Verified.
  • FN 73 cites "Aston Martin debuted the roadster version—called the Vanquish Zagato Volante—at the 2016 edition of the Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance". Verified, but the source says "convertible" rather than "roadster"; can you confirm that the two terms are interchangeable in British English?
  • FN 27 cites "The car's structure, which is thirty per cent stiffer and lighter than that of its predecessor, is composed of aluminium whilst its bodywork is made of carbon fibre." The source has "the aluminium structure is clothed in an all-carbonfibre body (30% stiffer and lighter too)". This is difficult to rephrase, so I'm not to concerned about the similarities here, but can we be sure the "stiffer and lighter" refers only to the alumninium? It seems it could be referring to the carbon fibre, or even to both.

A couple of problems identified; I think this will need another spotcheck after these are fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:39, 28 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The GA you reviewed was from a while back (the reason i opened the GA was mostly to see the results), not even i thought it was a good article. Anyways here are my responses
  • 54: I removed “August”. 0-60 is about the same as 0-62.
  • 65: a bodykit is not the same as bodywork. other concerns should be fixed
  • 73: convertible is more understandable, so i have changed that.
  • 27: the DBS, the Vanquish’s predecessor did not use carbon fibre in its construction, so it would most likely be talking about the aluminium. I’ve reworded this.
You can do another spot check if necessary. 750h+ 15:19, 28 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
It's reassuring to hear that the GA wasn't characteristic of your work, though I think most GA reviewers would prefer it if the nominator checked any old articles reasonably thoroughly before nominating them. Anyway, I agree these issues are not so concerning. I've struck out most points above, but I think there are still issues with the first one -- please take a look. When that's done I'll do another spotcheck. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 17:10, 28 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Should be fixed 750h+ 23:53, 28 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The article still says the maximum speed remained unchanged. Yes, 60 and 62 are very close, but I don't think we can use one to cite the other. Those are the only two points remaining from this spotcheck. I'll go ahead with the second spot check, probably first thing tomorrow. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:46, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed 750h+ 02:11, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good; struck. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:15, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Second spotcheck. Footnote numbers refer to this version.

  • FNs 75 & 76 cite "At the 2017 edition of the Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance, Aston Martin unveiled the Vanquish Zagato Speedster; 28 units were manufactured." Verified; optional, but you might move FN 75 to the end of the sentence. FN 76 does verify those last four words, but it's going to be easy for that citation to get detached since it's after the following sentence.
  • FN 45 cites 'John Simister of the newspaper The Independent criticised the car's two small rear seats, describing them "largely pointless", but he noted that the engine sounded "magnificently crisp and rich"'. Verified.
  • FNs 17 & 18 cite "At the 2012 edition of the Concorso d'Eleganza Villa d'Este in May, Aston Martin revealed a concept car called the Project AM310 Concept." Verified, but should "Concept" be capitalized? It doesn't seem to be in the sources.
  • FN 4 cites "The car's aluminium structure remains largely unchanged from the DBS, DB9 and Rapide, except for a redesigned front-end that is significantly lighter. This allows the engine to be mounted 0.7 inches (18 mm) lower than in the DBS." The source has "the aluminum structure remains largely the same as the DBS’s (and DB9’s and Vantage’s and Rapide’s), the front-end structure is significantly lighter and is redesigned to allow the engine to mount 0.7 inch lower than in the DBS". I think this is too close a paraphrase.
  • FNs 55 & 56 cite "The Vanquish's interior incorporates a tilt-telescoping steering wheel, bi-xenon headlamps, LED tail-lights, hand-stitched leather and Alcantara, power front seats with memory, and cooling and heating systems. Its connectivity features include Bluetooth, satellite radio and compatibility with USB and iPod. Other standard features include a thirteen-speaker Bang & Olufsen sound system." I don't see that it says "hand-stitched" anywhere on these pages, and I can't see any mention of iPod connectivity, though I might easily have missed both.

I'm going to stop there and not pass or fail this spotcheck; I'll leave it up to the coordinators to decide if they want to pursue this any further. The close paraphrasing I found this time is not terrible but I think it could be done better. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:15, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"hand-stitched" and "iPod" removed, "Concept" decapitalised and close paraphrasing fixed too. 750h+ 12:31, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@FAC coordinators: (in response to Mike Christie’s comment) 750h+ 13:26, 4 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Aston_Martin_Vanquish_(2012)/archive1&oldid=1232758076"