This year will be the first full-scale trial of my patented Don’t Give a Monkey’s (DGAM) Christmas™. I’m sharing it with you because Christmas is a time of giving, even though, as I’ve only just mentioned, one of the things we won’t be giving is a monkey’s. For years, I have given a monkey’s and, because you might also be of the monkey-giving ilk, I shall now remind you why this is a terrible idea.
If you give a monkey’s, you spend a lot of time and money on presents. Children are ungrateful little wretches. Or, more specifically, more cruelly, the extent of their gratitude is inversely proportional to the time and cost of the gift. It’s almost as if materialism were a learnt trait.